“guardian angel,” by Iris
There’s a guardian angel out there who loves me
Because she knows as soon as I let you open my mouth
My inner demons will come rolling out
In forms of clinging, long-awaited affection
“Perfection”; I need you most
If only the words I spoke had no doubt.
It’s hard being small,
Because despite that, I fight shrinking into myself
Like a black hole, I’m so cold
Yet never so bold as to ask the universe
Why did he make my fingertips burn
And why do I deserve the heart that hurts?
How do shadows of our lives still linger
Even though he had me wrapped around his finger?
Still must I remind myself that it all happened months ago,
That I have the worst sense of time perception
But I can’t help myself from gnawing on my own bones,
Watching the time pass and having to let go,
Letting go, falling down, down, further
Into a memory where I am stripped of clear sight;
Sometimes I see your smile
It makes me believe that I’m in heaven
But how could that be, all along when
You made me think I was a savage;
I guess I was, for creating all this damage,
Inexpensively I bought his trust
I turned it into dust and watched as it blew away
How many times will I feel the same situation replay
Into a light beam pouring onto the balcony
Of my childhood bedroom, so many memories,
Of when I was younger and my friendships drove me to insanity
Because my anxiety was a skyscraper and the hardest part was to not say “sorry”…
But this time I’m not sorry,
Despite everything I poured out from my lungs
My guardian angel just told me
Keep making your mistakes
and own them until the day
The day they fade out to grey”
No matter how much I fall
Even when it’s back into your arms
I will push away the ground someday
I will push away your hold on me
And someday, I will fly.
I want to tell the heartbroken out there:
Listen to your angel.
She’s in your gut, in your heart, in your soul,
In your eyes.
She sees the truth is so clear:
Don’t let him break you,
and allow his hands to hold up your pieces to examine.
Don’t miss him now,
When your bright future is so near.
No matter how you react and fear and love and cry for attention,
Or lie and cheat and sin in the name of rejection,
Your guardian angel will be there.
Submitted by Anonymous